What if the ‘in-laws’ are insufferable? Remember your Miss Manners!

Oh boy.  It’s time to meet the groom’s parents…your daughter has mentioned a few little skirmishes but you have been brushing them aside in hopes she just has a ‘case of the nerves’ whenever she’s around one or both of the groom’s parents.

Even though there are a lot of wonderful ‘stories’ out there about meeting the future relatives there are a few that make one shudder…below are two true stories from people I know! (ya can’t make this stuff up):

Story#1.   Things are not what they seemed to be.

Lydia and Mark are going to meet the groom’s family at a big party to be held at their townhouse in downtown Baltimore’s very posh Mount Vernon historic neighborhood.

Expecting regular ‘northern city type people’, they were jaw-dropping shocked when the door was opened by the mother who, according to Deana (the bride), changed overnight.   The groom and his parents had never ever mentioned nor acted as though they followed any particular religion.  The mother had always dressed very normally and talked about everyday things and wedding plans everytime she’d been around her.  Well, not this time!  Surprise! The Mother of the Groom opened the door wearing high heels, crop pants, peasant blouse pulled off the shoulders showing off some large ta tas – hair gone platinum, pulled up on top of her head and BIG plastic earrings.  It was as though the mother had stepped back into 70s Miami style – her big blond Bette Midler look.  And all the sudden – everything is kosher which was strange since the last time Deana was there they had a lovely pork roast.  The bride was Baptist.  The shock wasn’t so much the kosher take as was the total makeover the groom’s mom had done.   Of course, it didn’t help that they started pushing that she convert – even the groom started to push her to do so a couple of weeks later.  The poor bride to be simply could not understand where all this came from.

The point of this story? The bride’s mom behaved like a lady – elbowed her husband in the side a couple of times , took everything in stride and calmed her daughter down through a very emotional, roller-coaster of an evening.  That’s part of your job.

Story #2.  Bad manners.

A friend’s daughter worked for a news organization and while she worked there she became very close with a quite famous reporter who is well-known for being out-spoken about her political leanings.  The reporter and the family became quite close and so when ‘Christine’ became engaged, the reporter most graciously threw the engagement party for her at a middle-eastern restaurant in downtown DC.   The groom’s parents (who lived in a state to our south) arrived (1st time the Mother of the Bride ‘Josie’ was to meet this couple)…the family greeted them warmly and led them to the table of honor where the bride and groom, the mother of the bride, the bride’s brother and his wife and the groom’s parents and the groom’s sister were to sit AND the reporter, of course.  Place cards and everything…right there on the table.  The groom’s mother froze and stated that she absolutely would not sit at the table with THAT woman (the reporter) and moved over to another table and sat with friends that had driven up with them.  (Guess she thought that the reporter’s politics might contaminate her).  My friend was infuriated but as a very gracious mother of the bride (she was sure the reporter’s feelings would be hurt) made as though that was such a kind thing the groom’s parents did…to sit with the friends from out-of –town so they wouldn’t feel so isolated.

The point of this story? This bride’s mom swallowed her anger and made a very uncomfortable situation seem smooth as silk.  Again…good manners and the ability to turn around a sticky condition can save the day or night.   (Look for another story about Josie’s nemesis soon under Groom’s gifts.)

Happy Planning!

~Claudia Van Veen