That speech you have to make at the wedding!


Chances are this is the first time you’ve given a Mother of the Bride wedding speech. If so, then there are certain things you’ll probably want to achieve…

  • You want your speech to be sentimental…with a touch of humor but not schmaltzy.
  • You don’t want to make a fool of yourself in front of 20, 50…300…or more wedding guests.
  • You want your speech to be a special tribute and something your daughter and her groom will remember with fond love – even if they don’t remember all the content. (see note below about this).
  • Your speech should be one of the highlights of your daughter’s wedding and one that you’ll want to look back and remember with pride.

But, if you are like most Mothers of the Bride, you don’t know where to start or what to say. You don’t know any jokes or quotes that are appropriate for weddings. And you don’t know how to word your feelings and sentiments so they are meaningful to your daughter.  Not only that, you need inspiration to get ideas flowing so you can create a memorable speech. I’ve never had a problem speaking in front of people but I do have friends that are just terrified at the thought.

  • Which type are you? Practiced public speaker or neophyte – this occasion is different from every other one you would ever attend…it is your daughter’s wedding and so this speech must be as good as you can make it and that kinda puts all of you on a level playing field since even the ‘natural speaker’ can get nervous about speaking before this crowd.   The old adage that we were all taught still holds true for all of us moms.  Practice makes perfect.  After you write out your speech, practice it out loud in the bathroom or in front of a bedroom mirror until you are comfortable with saying all the words…sometimes just saying it aloud makes you realize a phrase needs to be changed…looks good on paper but doesn’t ‘talk’ well.  (You should get your husband to do this as well, if he is speaking, too.

Hopefully, you will actually get the chance to make your speech in front of all of the guests – but sometimes strange things happen and the mothers just don’t get the chance to make a toast (or just don’t want to do so).  So in that particular instance and just to be safe for your moment to speak, I will repeat…write that speech out – or at least the highlights.

Contents of speech: You can

1. Thank the guests that attend the wedding for their efforts to make it successful and memorable for your child.  Did someone come from a long distance, then smile and point to them and thank them by name for making this wonderful effort to help send the couple on their way.

2. Give the newlyweds advice that they could really use as a part of their foundation for marriage. You have experienced living in a married life and you know the ups and downs.  Share a tip or two…here you can try a little humor… like ‘learn to always look before you sit on the toilet especially in the dark’ or  If you both sometimes use the same razor…be sure to leave a note on the bathroom mirror that the razor is NEW!   Or…try to remember to leave little surprises around for each other.  But also, do offer that sage advice that we’ve all heard and that does bear repeating ‘Never go to sleep without touching the other’s face while you kiss goodnight’…the kiss could be habit but to touch never is.

3. Relate a personal story or habit (that won’t embarrass) that is funny or poignant about her…such as: “I’ll always remember the awe on Katie’s face the Christmas that Santa brought her a real carpenter-built, 4-story-with removable roof and floors, real shutters, hardwood floor, linoleum-in-the-kitchen (with the kitchen built-in) Barbie townhouse – and I can see that same look now as she looks at her wonderful new husband.”

4. Formally welcome the groom as part of your family. Sometimes, things haven’t been all that rosy with the groom-to-be leading up to a wedding.  This is another chance for you to make your daughter proud of you as her mom…a simple “Welcome to the Family” will show that you are trying to or have accepted him.

5. Avoid thinking sad thoughts during speech delivery.  Some moms commit the error of saying that they will be losing their child.  Even if you are really thinking this…do NOT say it aloud at anytime.  It could truly wreck havoc either with your speech or the whole evening. You really don’t want to become a mess of sobbing hiccups up there.   That would be a downer for everyone. And you still have that toast to make.  Or perhaps you’ve recently had a close member of the family die (your father, mother, etc), wait to mention this person to the very last since chances are you will cry and so will the bride.  So just don’t mention that person until after the toast and then just say – “Aunt Bubba would be so proud. “

Sample toasts found at http://www.freeweddingtoasts.net

  • May all your ups and downs come only in the bedroom. (might be better for the best man to say this one, but I included it since it is funny and Irish!)
  • May you have warm words on a cold evening, a full moon on a dark night, and the road that goes downhill all the way to your welcoming door.
  • There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.” ~Homer, Odyssey /ninth century B.C.
  • Here’s to your mother-in-law’s son; (With glass raised, indicate your daughter), Here’s to your father (mother) -in-law’s daughter, (indicate the groom), Here’s to the vows you’ve just taken, and the life you’ve just begun.

If you can’t create a speech or the toast portion of your speech that sounds like it is really coming from you, then copy several from the internet and change them around to make it your own.   Look at your daughter, your guests in the eye when you speak, find people in the audience that you feel comfortable ‘talking’ to and that will help you give a speech that sounds like a conversation rather than like a ‘canned’ speech and voila…you did ok with it.  Good luck!

Lastly, since surely there will be some tears during the wedding; be sure you have tissue or a handkerchief before starting your speech or listening to others talk about your little girl. It is not good to see the MOB with smeared mascara and a red nose!

Happy Planning!

~Claudia Van Veen